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Chicago Divorce Lawyer > Blog > Divorce > 4 Signs that You Might be Ready to Chat with a Chicago Divorce Lawyer

4 Signs that You Might be Ready to Chat with a Chicago Divorce Lawyer


When a relationship is on the rocks, when is it really time to schedule a consultation with a Chicago divorce lawyer? Many Chicagoans who are having trouble in their marriages may wish there were a guide, or some kind of indication, of when they should go ahead and set up a call to discuss the potential end of the marriage with an experienced Chicago divorce lawyer. Fortunately, there may be some tell-tale signs related to a couple’s communication with one another that may indicate that it may be time to go ahead and make the call. According to co-founder of the Gottman Institute, John Gottman, Ph.D, as reported by Today online, there are 4 “communication pitfalls” that predict the ultimate breakup of a couple with a whopping 90% accuracy.

Communication Pitfall No. 1: Toxic Criticism

“Criticizing your partner too often or doing so generally and unfairly” is a big “no-no” according to “Engineering Love” podcast host Kim Polinder. Some examples of toxic criticism, according to Polinder, include criticisms that use the words “never” or “always”, such as “You never take out the garbage” or “You always leave the toilet seat up.” Polinder explains, “When you use the words ‘never’ and ‘always’, you’re commenting on someone’s character versus focusing on the issue at hand.” Accordingly, toxic criticism is the first communication pitfall that may be a sign that it’s time to split.

Communication Pitfall No. 2: Defensiveness

According to Polinder, defensiveness in a relationship means “making excuses without demonstrating any sort of accountability for one’s own actions.” This communication pitfall may mean irreconcilable problems in a marriage because “couple’s get so busy defending themselves that empathy gets lost in the conversation.”

Communication Pitfall No. 3: Stonewalling

“Shutting a conversation down completely and even physically turning away from your partner” is stonewalling, according to Polinder in the Today article. One classic example of stonewalling is the infamous game of “silent treatment”. Polinder advises that if conversations are overwhelming, couples should learn to de-escalate fights, but not to take communication breaks that last too long.

Communication Pitfall No. 4: Contempt

Finally, contempt is a sign that a rocky marriage may be at its end. Contempt can be demonstrated by rolling one’s eyes, mocking, sarcasm, annoyed sighing, or showing dislike of your spouse. According to Polinder, this may be the “nail in the coffin” when it comes to a crumbling marriage.

Legal Help for Individuals Seeking a Divorce in Chicago

If you experience these communication pitfalls in your marriage, or you are otherwise ready to speak to a lawyer about a potential divorce, contact Birnbaum Gelfman Sharma & Arnoux, LLC. The experienced Chicago divorce lawyers at Birnbaum Gelfman Sharma & Arnoux, LLC are here to listen to your story to see if they can help you in your Chicago divorce. Contact Birnbaum Gelfman Sharma & Arnoux, LLC and speak to a lawyer about your rights and options today.



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