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Chicago Divorce Lawyer > Blog > Divorce > How to Navigate the Post-Divorce Dating World when You Do Not Want to Talk about Your Divorce

How to Navigate the Post-Divorce Dating World when You Do Not Want to Talk about Your Divorce


For some newly-divorced Chicagoans, discussing the divorce process and one’s ex-spouse can seem like opening up fresh wounds and pouring in salt. For others, speaking about the dissolution of marriage process can feel cathartic, and may be a way to heal. In whatever way a person decides to handle the issue of their prior divorce when they hit the dating world again is, indeed, very personal, and it can vary wildly from individual. So, then, what happens when a recently-divorced person does not want to talk about their recent divorce at all with new love interests? One newly divorced woman posed that question to a Slate advice columnist this week.

“Trying Again” wrote into Dear Prudence with a question about how to correctly time the deeply-personal reasons for her divorce with new love interests. She explained that several years ago, she was involved in a car accident with her husband that took their son’s life. “Trying Again” and her ex-husband were ultimately “torn apart by the loss” and got a divorce. “Trying Again” reports that the couple still cares about each other, but they could not be married anymore, and she now feels that she is stable-enough in her life to start “dipping her toes into dating again.” However, “Trying Again” worries about sharing the information about the tragic loss of her son and the reasons for her divorce, stating, “…as I move forward, I’m not sure how to share this fact about myself that feels deeply private but also is very relevant to anyone I’d be serious with long term. I haven’t told anyone. My profile states neutrally that I’m divorced: I think it’s important info, and I’m, at an age where some people aren’t married yet and others are in a second marriage…My son is so very private to me. There are so many other things I’d trust a stranger with before I’d trust them with this story…When is it the right time to share this information?”

In response to “Trying Again”, Dear Prudence wrote back that while there is no perfectly right time, a person can get a sense of the right feeling. Dear Prudence wrote, “I don’t think there is a right time as much as there is a right feeling: The sense that you aren’t talking to a stranger, but to a person who you’ve come to respect, trust and feel safe with.” Dear Prudence went on to say, “You have endured so much and you should not put extra pressure on yourself about getting this etiquette right.”

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