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Chicago Divorce Lawyer > Blog > Divorce > Chicago Advice Columnist Responds to Ex-Wife “Having a Hard Time Finding” Herself after Divorce, Provides Guidance for Maintaining “Couple” Friendships Post-Divorce

Chicago Advice Columnist Responds to Ex-Wife “Having a Hard Time Finding” Herself after Divorce, Provides Guidance for Maintaining “Couple” Friendships Post-Divorce


While there is much focus on the inner workings of the legal dissolution of marriage, or divorce, process in Chicago, much less is said about the emotional side of ending a marriage. Indeed, on top of legal proceedings, tough decisions, and major life changes, divorce also can bring a shift in friendships and relationships with acquaintances, family, and even co-workers. There is no doubt that married couples often spend time with other married couples, and friendships blossom and grow through double dates, vacations, and outings as married pairs. Accordingly, after a divorce, one spouse may feel like they have lost such friends to the other spouse, and that, on top of everything else, their social world has “destabilized” as a result of a divorce.

Feeling “lost” and not knowing what to do, a recently-divorced Chicago woman wrote to Chicago Tribune divorce columnist “Ask Amy” with an inquiry regarding a friendship that she feels has become a casualty of her recent divorce. “I’ll be There for You” wrote in mid-October that she had been married to her husband for 14 years before the couple decided to split. In the process, she felt that she had lost her friend, the wife of her ex-husband’s friend, who she had grown close to. Feeling like she had lost her friend in the process, “I’ll be There for You” explained, “We had too much to drink and my mouth wouldn’t stop. I told her how I was hurt that she didn’t reach out to me for my birthday and then I told her that she never reached out to me, even though I am going through a divorce…She’s been divorced three times now, so I would think she’d know how it feels…She is neglecting me.” “I’ll be There for You” went on to explain that she was invited to a social event by her friend, despite recently being “ghosted” by her after the drunken talk. Finally, “I’ll be There for You” asked, “Since I filed for divorce, people are acting as if I have a virus. What’s your advice?”

Divorce and Friendships from a Chicago Tribune Advice Columnist’s Perspective

In response to “I’ll be There for You”, Ask Amy first confirmed that “Yes – divorce is extremely destabilizing. Extremely. Friendships fall away, due to other people’s own loyalties or discomfort.” As to “I’ll be There for You” and her drunken rant, Ask Amy advised, “Even if you spoke the truth, it is simply human nature to avoid an intimate connection with someone who you feel will call you out.” As for the social event, Ask Amy also noted, “I suggest you go, because you obviously need to make and maintain new friendships; this might present an opportunity to do just that.”

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There is no doubt that divorce can be a painful and confusing time. Having an experienced Chicago divorce lawyer by your side during your divorce can make all the difference in your Chicago divorce. The experienced Chicago divorce lawyers at Birnbaum Gelfman Sharma & Arnoux, LLC are here to help. Contact Birnbaum Gelfman Sharma & Arnoux, LLC, and speak to an experienced Chicago divorce lawyer about your case today.

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